


HOW TO WAKE YOUR JOE UP: the dos and don’t to wake the Sleeping Beauty — Manual provided by Nicolò di Genova

by LydeNicoKITE



Series: Comprehensive Lists of Dos and Don't regarding Joe, as written by Nicolò di Genova [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Joe Is Not a Morning Person, Lists, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, alternative universe, it's a 10+2 so it's double
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LydeNicoKITE/pseuds/LydeNicoKITE
Summary: Notes about the author:Nicolò di Genova is a 24 year old sleep-deprived student. His expertise on the Joe Al-Kaysani species comes from three years of being roommates and a total of six years of friendship. Nicolò still lives with his Joe,perpetually pining.Customer Reviews:“A must have. I’d have probably gone mad without this, one time I thought he was dead.” —S.Le Livre“The best and only attempt to transform a magical ritual in an exact science, with mixed results. The second half of the guide is severely lacking in feasibility. Still, a valid attempt which can only be appreciated by the members of this community.” —Lykon“Warning: Joe will be disapponted when he’ll realise you’re not Nicky.” —Quỳnh“The day I see Joe on time for his 9am class will be the day I buy this book.” —A.Scythian“I thought you were joking about this. [SPOILER: Just... ask him out??? END SPOILER]” —N.Freeman
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Comprehensive Lists of Dos and Don't regarding Joe, as written by Nicolò di Genova [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2177352
Comments: 63
Kudos: 365





	HOW TO WAKE YOUR JOE UP: the dos and don’t to wake the Sleeping Beauty — Manual provided by Nicolò di Genova

**Author's Note:**

> This is so fluffy, also it's inspired by a fic I read years ago with the same premise/style but I can't remember the fandom or the author, I tried to find it but I cannot remember if it really existed. If you remember a similar fic please tell me and I'll add the credit. <3 Hope you like this.

##  **HOW TO WAKE YOUR JOE UP: the dos and don’t to wake the Sleeping Beauty — Manual provided by Nicolò di Genova**

_**Notes about the author:**_ Nicolò di Genova is a 24 year old sleep-deprived student. His expertise on the Joe Al-Kaysani species comes from three years of being roommates and a total of six years of friendship. Nicolò still lives with his Joe, ~~perpetually pining.~~

**_Customer Reviews:_ **

“ _A must have. I’d have probably gone mad without this, one time I thought he was dead_.” —S.Le Livre

“ _The best and only attempt to transform a magical ritual in an exact science, with mixed results. The second half of the guide is severely lacking in feasibility. Still, a valid attempt which can only be appreciated by the members of this community_.” —Lykon

“ _Warning: Joe will be disapponted when he’ll realise you’re not Nicky_.” —Quỳnh

“ _The day I see Joe on time for his 9am class will be the day I buy this book_.” —A.Scythian

“ _I thought you were joking about this. [SPOILER: Just... ask him out??? END SPOILER]_ ” —N.Freeman

{Notes: this is the second edition of the Manual, see the appendix to find the differences between the editions. Following certain events, some parts have been ~~erased~~ , others have been _added_.}

**DOS AND DON’T:**

**1** \- Don’t, and I repeat DON’T, let the Joe hug you and drag you to bed with him. The Joe’s appearance in the morning, no matter how adorable, is deceiving and hides considerable strength. Once the Joe has you in his arms, you won’t be able to escape and you will be late for your morning classes. The temptation to be hugged by the Joe in the morning is great, but you must resist it. I believe in you.

**1,bis** \- Similarly, don’t believe what the Joe says, especially if he complains he’s cold. The Joe will not hesitate to lie in order to win, feigning dizziness, high fever and, occasionally, death (see: Possum Joe). The Joe’s health can be checked by claiming there is a cute squirrel visible outside the window: if the Joe doesn’t move to look at the adorable animal, I strongly encourage you to call a doctor for an emergency.

**2** \- If the Joe is non-verbal, Bribery is advisable. The Joe is sensible to the smell of fresh croissants (jam is better than chocolate), coffee (remember to add sugar) and hot chocolate (only in winter). Do not bring him food directly: first, bring the Bribe close to the Joe, so that he can register the existence of the Bribe, then leave it out of his reach. If the Joe tries to move in his Cocoon form, use Moderate Violence to remove the fluffy armor.

**3** \- Don’t remember the Joe of his hectic schedule, it will only make him more anxious and he’ll hide from you. Instead, remember him of a small joy that awaits him if he decides to get out of bed, such as drinking coffee together between classes, Movie night with the group, the promise of teaming up for Board games night to maximise the chance of winning.

**4** \- On the following days, the Joe might experience home-sickness, sadness, melancholia (date format DD/MM, for the American in the group): 1/3, 24/5, 4/10, 30/11. Be ready to skip your morning appointments if that’s the case. Joe responds well to long hugs, cuddles in bed, Frank Sinatra songs. Remember your Joe that he is loved, and that he’s not alone. Contact Joe’s sister if the sadness persists throughout the day, she is the only one who can understand and make him laugh with a memory of their parents.

**5** \- If the Joe doesn’t have an early class, let him sleep. Leave a note for him to tell him good morning and that you’re proud he came back to the land of the living. Joe likes stickers, smiley faces and stickmen of Nicky in Pain during Class.

**6** \- ~~Don’t fall in love with him.~~

**7** \- If you spent the entire night watching a tv series together, just oversleep with him, you both wouldn’t be able to pay attention to class anyway. Insomnia is terrible and restless nights are better shared. Don’t bother sleeping in your bed and fall asleep with him on the sofa. ~~Don’t kiss him good night.~~

**8** \- On his birthday, wake him up with more energy than usual, don’t have mercy: he’d regret spending his favourite day in bed. Exceptions can be made if you have plans to spend the day inside (in that case, prepare the Lord of the Rings DVDs in advance and buy a fuckton of cookies), but don’t listen to him when he’ll try to make you sleep with him for another ‘five minutes’ because five minutes is short for ‘the entire day’. Be careful, the Joe’s charm on his birthday is heightened, because the Joe loves spending an entire day with the people he loves. The Joe doesn’t really understand this tradition, but he likes when you leave his present at the end of the bed, the first thing he sees when he wakes up. ~~If you want to confess your love for him, you should do it on his birthday, when it’s cold and Joe sleeps with too many blankets and time slows down for the holidays or maybe just for Joe. If there’s anyone who deserves a bottle of happiness stored in a pocket of Time, that person is Joe.~~

**9** \- For the love of God, don’t let Andy be the one to wake him up, she’d traumatise him (again).

_**10** _ _\- Kiss him. Apparently now you can, pardon, you’re_ **_encouraged_ ** _to kiss him. Tell him good morning and kiss him, pretend you don’t care about morning breath and smile when the Joe grumbles but smiles after the kiss, hiding in the Cocoon soon after because Joe still has to get used to have his love reciprocated. Tell him you love him. Kick him hard and steal his blankets, then run, screaming because Joe in the morning is wild and carefree and fragile, wonderful and vengeful like the hero of an epic everyday story. Run and let him tackle you to the ground, maybe try to avoid knocking your head again on the coffee table, you can’t afford to lose any more brain cells. Kiss him and don’t care if Booker complains: ‘Seriously, right in front of my cereals?’ Maybe kiss him again when Booker is not looking, just to be polite._

_**11** _ _\- Wake him up gently even if you had a fight. Tell him you’re not going anywhere. Remind him you won’t leave him if you can help it, remind him of every morning you woke him up, of every movie night with the others, of every dawn you waited together exchanging stories because you couldn’t sleep. Of every tessera of the moisaic you made together across the years, starting from the day you became friends, almost by accident, that day in December when you run into him and apologised for all the stupid, petty fights and Joe surprisingly smiled, forgiveness in his eyes. The day he said: ‘It’s my birthday and I could use a new friend,’ and you let himself start to fall._

_**12** _ _\- Just... don’t fuck this up, okay? You love him. He’s the love of your life. Get used to it and start planning for the day you’ll walk by the bed, look at him sleeping past the alarm, and propose. I’m quite sure that’ll wake him up._


End file.
